At the Intersection of Stress and Control: Choosing Calm over Conflict
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Traffic was reasonable on my way home after visiting with a friend. I was in good spirits, but I still had to deal with a horrible number of traffic lights and stop signs along the way.
I looked ahead at the next light and thought, "Am I going to make it through this one?" As I contemplated, the light turned yellow, and I moved my foot to the brake, anticipating it would be red before I could get through.
The slowdown and stop at the light were safe for me and the driver behind me, who happened to be a very large motorcyclist. It was not a situation where he had to brake quickly.
Like the stoplight, the biker turned red as he pulled slowly up in the back of my car.
He screamed out several obscenities in my direction. It was quite clear - he was upset that I did not go through the yellow light. As he was screaming, he turned off his motorcycle. Perhaps he wanted to make sure I could hear his message, but I immediately thought this action was for him to exit his motorcycle and head in my direction.
I could feel the adrenaline, which put me in a state of fight or flight. I knew the feeling, so I knew I had to calm myself to deal with the angry biker screaming at me. I took a controlled breath and calmed my mind - remembering I had control of myself.
With eyes on my mirror, I watched the biker, anticipating his next move. The calming breath helped me realize the need for a plan, expecting that he would get off his motorcycle and move in my direction. I knew I would have plenty of time to just drive away - plan complete.
When I was younger and less skilled at calming myself, this situation would have led to me becoming extremely angry and aggressive. I would've met rage with rage. However, I've learned that the rage-with-rage mentality is not a productive driving strategy. What might be the result of losing control? Possible outcomes:
Physical altercation
Verbal altercation
Injuries
Financial hardship
Legal problems
Long-term physical problems associated with stress on the body
Not living up to God's expectations
Even though it was a stressful situation, I decided not to give up control. I chose to not react poorly to his poor behavior. I controlled my breathing and the problem. I did not engage.
We discussed control under stressful situations at a recent Learning Pursuit Leadership Academy workshop.
Many of the leadership team members are young people, but they all understood what I was talking about when I described the feeling of adrenaline rushing through your bloodstream. Here are a few physical things that happen to your body when adrenaline kicks in:
Critical thinking skills will decrease
Increases heart rate
Increases blood pressure
Dilates pupils
Dilates airways
Decreases digestion
Increases glucose levels for emergency muscles
Sweating
Muscle tension
So, when overwhelmed with stress, what do you do? The leadership team helped to create a list of strategies a person could use when adrenaline hits:
Be aware of what adrenaline does and avoid losing control
Take action
Breathing
Walk away
Engage your brain - think, don't just react
Stay in control
Physical activity
Meditation
Prayer
Talk to someone
Journal entries
Choosing not to retaliate
It is highly beneficial for young people to learn what physically happens to them under stressful situations. As important, having a strategy that will allow decision-making and good choices leads to the best outcomes.
If I had lost my temper and responded aggressively to the upset biker, nothing good would have occurred. It was a yellow light, and everybody stopped safely. Fortunately, he did not leave his bike, and I did not have to take any action to avoid a conflict.
We do not control surprise aggression from others and the adrenaline hormone reaction associated with the stress. However, we can acknowledge what is happening and take action to maintain control.
